WASHINGTON – Calling it “a day that will live in infirmary,” an angry Joe Biden reminded Americans of the dire situation that took place one year ago today. He relived the event that shook Nancy Pelosi, AOC and others to their drama queen cores.
“Many of us still suffer scars from January 6, 2021,” the angry president said. “It was traumatic for all of us! We all remember watching in horror as the Republican hordes stormed the hallowed halls of Congress in tanks, others carrying lightsabers, or brandishing nuclear weapons! Members of Congress ran for their lives in sheer terror! AOC told me she could see in the eyes of the attackers that they all wanted to date her! It was a source of their rage. Others panicked, thinking they were being hunted by that buffalo/centaur fella.
Then came the crowds with torches and pitchforks! Our democracy almost died that day! So, to make sure another January 6 never happens again….I’m signing an executive order, striking the date January 6 from the calendar. Starting next year, we’ll go straight from Jan. 5 to Jan. 7. For those of you who have birthdays or other important events on this day of the year, I’m truly sorry. It’s the only way to save our democracy!”
Vice President Kamala Harris likened the tragic events of Jan. 6, 2021 to previous dark days in the country’s history. “Thousands of people died at Pearl Harbor. Thousands more died on 9/11. One person died on Jan. 6, with several others dying in the months that followed from unrelated causes. However, we like to conflate their later deaths with that date for political reasons. My point…is that any American with a public school, 2nd-grade education knows that 5 or 6 deaths is more than thousands. It’s simple math. It means those insurrectionists are worse people than kamikaze pilots and Islamic terrorists put together! It makes them almost as bad as the unvaccinated!”
Tonight, compassionate Democrats will hold a candlelight vigil for all who suffered physical, mental, emotional, or political pain on Jan. 6, 2021 – except for Ashley Babbit.