PORTLAND – The Oregon Health Authority is planning on lifting the state’s mask mandate in March. The people of this beautiful state will finally be able to breathe free again. But not everybody is planning on adopting the new guidelines.
Fascist group Antifa has said they plan to continue wearing masks for the foreseeable future. Leaders of the group said they were more comfortable hiding behind masks when destroying cities.
Members claim to have a number of reasons for why they plan to continue to wear masks:
“We never know when the science is going to change again.”
“We need to keep covid at bay so our hospitals have enough beds for people we injure and kill during our protests.”
“I don’t want my mom and dad to recognize me on TV.”
“I haven’t been able to clear up this stubborn acne.”
The state and the protest group say their mask mandate guidance comes from King Biden and Lord Fauci, in decrees issued from high up on Capitol Hill. So, while many Oregonians will be ripping their masks off as if they just walked out of the ER after performing a particularly intense surgery on Grey’s Anatomy, the anti-fascist fascists won’t.