WASHINGTON – Chalk it up to user error. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (AOC) mistakenly set her alarmist clock wrong and it startled her when it went off at 3:30 am instead of the usual 6:30 am. Cortez awakens each day to a climate change alarmist clock so she can begin each day worrying about climate change.
“I screwed up the alarmist setting, just like I screwed up this mac n’ cheese,” she admitted. “I should probably stay out of the kitchen and off Instagram where I post my inane videos, but I won’t. How can I, when I have all the answers?”
“But, yeah. I set my alarmist clock wrong and it freaked me out when it went off. Like, I have this climate change clock that has, like, the sounds of shrieking people, moaning polar bears, and crackling flames. It’s really creepy sounding. And I have the volume set pretty high. I just like to begin my day by panicking about climate change – even before I have my coffee.”
AOC says the clock helps keep her focused on her climate insanity. “You know, I try not to ever hit the snooze button on the clock because, like, to me, that would be symbolic of inaction on my part, you know? Plus, those would be minutes wasted that I could better use worrying about climate change.”
What’s ironic is that most Americans wake up in the middle of the night worrying about AOC being a member of Congress.