AUSTIN – The Washington Post (WaPo) has become known for its fake news. So it makes sense that when the paper’s owner, Amazon owner Jeff Bezos, bought grocery chain Whole Foods for over $13 billion today, he announced he’s considering changing the store’s name to “Fake Foods.”
WaPo, along with The New York Times, are the National Enquirer of the mainstream media. Will the same happen to Whole Foods after the acquisition of the brand by Bezos?
Exciting changes are in store for the grocery industry due to the big deal today. In the near future, kale will be available to be delivered to your home by drone. Whole Foods will continue to be the place to go for organic foods, but only Amazon Prime members will be allowed to shop in that section of the store. That will leave the fake foods for the rest of the losers.
Customers who order online will be able to put items in their recyclable, reusable cart bags. So whether you’re looking for fair trade almond butter, asparagus water, Spanish goat cheese, organic cat food, or boneless bananas, wholesome groceries will soon be just a click away.
Finally, as a bonus, every time you purchase fancy foods from Amazon, they’ll send a notification to all of your friends on social media. That way, you can continue to maintain that feeling of personal superiority by shopping at Whole Foods.