WASHINGTON – In a bombshell report by the press wizards at CNN, audio has been uncovered showing just how deep the connection is between Attorney General Jeff Sessions and his involvement with Russia. In a 1990 interview, Sessions admitted he was a fan of Rocky IV.
“I enjoyed Rocky IV and the epic battle between the Italian Stallion and Ivan Drago, the Russian fighting machine,” Sessions told a reporter. “The way Rocky pulled off a ‘David vs. Goliath’ win, during those Cold War days, was just what America needed at the time.”
Nancy Pelosi was aghast – not just her looks, but her emotional reaction – at the news. “This is a deal breaker, I believe, and it shows why Attorney General Sessions needs to resign his position and move to Moscow immediately.”
Senator Chuck Schumer pointed out the fact that of all the Rocky movies, Sessions mentioned the commie one first. “This proves it. Clearly, the first three Rocky’s were superior movies, so why mention number four as a favorite? It’s very telling.”
Pelosi also said, “We can’t have the nation’s top cop being a Dolph Lundgren fan. What kind of message does that send to our country’s young people? Clearly, he’s unfit to serve in his current position, and I can’t imagine any stronger proof of a Russian connection.”
Schumer said the Democrats will continue to pound away at the Rocky IV connection in the media until Sessions is forced to step down in disgrace. “Doubling down on the ridiculous and grasping at straws are our trademarks. We’re going to stay with what brought us here.”