Joe Biden Files Restraining Order Against The Kraken

Kraken

WASHINGTON – Joe Biden is getting nervous about a monster called “The Kraken.” He’s nervous that the creature may derail his attempts to get into the White House again. In fact, he’s so nervous that he’s filed a restraining order in federal court against the beast. “That lawyer, Sidney Powell, has threatened to release the Kraken on me,” Biden told reporters. “That freaks me out, man. Have you seen this thing? I watched a fascinating movie from the ’80’s the other day. Clash of the Titans, I believe it was.…

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Oregon Governor Urges Citizens To Call Police If Host’s Dressing Is Too Dry

Oregon governor

SALEM – Oregon Governor Kate Brown is commanding subjects in her Kingdom of Oregon to snitch on each other this Thanksgiving. She wants all peasants to focus on the real meaning of the holiday. “Thanksgiving should be all about giving thanks that I’m your governor,” Brown said today. “For without me, you wouldn’t know how to celebrate this festive time. That’s why I’m dictating how many of you can gather in one place. However, I still want you to enjoy your holiday meal. And that’s why I’m urging all of…

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Members Of Antifa Already Showing Signs Of Trump Withdrawal

Trump withdrawal

PORTLAND – While the presidential election is still not certified, President Trump faces an uphill fight to prove voter fraud charges. For Democrats, they’re already living in a world with Joe Biden in charge. But life will not be all rainbows and unicorns for those on the left. Doctors nationwide are already reporting a spike in Trump Withdrawal Symptoms (TWS). TWS is a condition found in those suffering from Trump Derangement Syndrome (TDS), for which there is no cure. Dr. Paul Bennett, who has a practice in Portland, said, “I’m…

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AOC Promoting Genocide Of Turkeys With Covid Thanksgiving Plans

WASHINGTON – Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (AOC) is promoting genocide on turkeys, and using Covid-19 as her cover. The Democrat plans to have Thanksgiving dinner over Zoom with remote members of her family. In a tweet, AOC said she and her whole family would cook from the same recipes separately, and then eat together over Zoom. Her reason is because of the coronavirus, this will keep the family from gathering together. The problem is that now her family will require multiple turkeys for their meal, rather than just one. “There’s 8 of…

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Big Pharma Working On Voter Fraud Vaccine For Democrat Activists

big pharma

PHILADELPHIA – There’s a cancer in our election process, and it’s called Voter Fraud. The main carriers of this disease are Democratic operatives and activists. Symptoms include ballot stuffing in the middle of the night and prematurely referring to one’s favored candidate as “president-elect.” It’s a nasty, disgusting condition. And now, several big pharmaceutical companies are joining efforts to develop a vaccine to treat voter fraud. Pfizer is having good results with a possible coronavirus vaccine, so researchers are turning their attention to curing voter fraud. One big pharma researcher…

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Joe Biden Claims Voters Have Given Him An Old Man(date) For Change

old man

DELEWARE – Democrat Joe Biden is getting a little ahead of himself these days. He hasn’t won the White House yet. However, he’s acting like he already has. Secret Service has upped security on Biden. In addition, airspace has been restricted over his basement. And now, Joe is claiming that the election proves voters have given him an old man(date) for progressive change. “I’m an old man,” Biden told reporters. “I get it. And when a president wins, they like to say they were given a mandate for change. So,…

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Joe Biden Fires Two Shotgun Blasts Into Air After Reporter Asks About Hunter

shotgun

CAMPAIGN TRAIL – Democrat Joe Biden still feels the best way to scare off unwanted intruders is to fire two shotgun blasts in the air. While Biden loves the state-run media that runs cover for him, any reporter who asks about his son is seen as a threat. A reporter asked Joe about the corruption scandal regarding the Biden family. Without missing a beat, Joe shocked everyone when he pulled a shotgun from behind the podium. The former VP quickly fired two blasts into the air, even before the reporter…

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CNN: Don Lemon’s Friends Realize Being His Friend Was Hitting Rock Bottom

NEW YORK – CNN’s Don Lemon announced this week that he’s had to ‘get rid of’ his friends who support President Trump. He likened his friends to drug addicts. Then he told buddy Chris Cuomo that sometimes you just have to let people like that “hit rock bottom.” Lemon has long been a race pimp who uses hate and condescension to bring people together. It’s a novel approach. Now, some former friends are responding to his heartless comments from this week. “I was attending our latest meeting of Don Lemons’…

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Castaway Jack Dorsey Blames ‘Wilson’ For Censoring Conservatives On Twitter

WASHINGTON – Island castaway and Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey appeared via Zoom before a Senate committee this week. At issue is the ongoing censorship of conservative accounts on his platform. Meanwhile, accounts of progressives are never censored. Social media sites have been blocking the publication of posts detrimental to Joe Biden. The New York Post busted Biden and his family for corruption involving Communist China. Senator Ted Cruz let Jack have it. “Who the hell elected you, Mr. Dorsey, to be the arbiter of truth on social media?” The disheveled…

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Deep State Author ‘Anonymous’ Discovers His Real Name – And It’s Lame

Anonymous

WASHINGTON – He considers himself a Beltway Boy Wonder. He calls himself ‘Anonymous.’ He’s written scathing reviews of President Trump which were published in the New York Times in 2018. Then he wrote the anti-Trump book, A Warning. He thinks he’s a patriot. Anonymous was living a lie. When he became known for the Times article, he claimed to be a “senior” White House official. Now, we know that’s only because he was a high school senior at the time. Still, it’s hard being Anonymous. In an interview with CNN’s Anderson…

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