Bernie Gives ‘My Depends Were Riding Up’ Excuse For Extra Crankiness At Debate

Depends

SOUTH CAROLINA – Cable news pundits even noticed that grumpy Bernie Sanders seemed crankier than normal in the last Democratic debate. Many said he didn’t look comfortable being in the middle position on stage. Now we may know why.

Sanders said in an interview with MSNBC that his Depend diaper was too snug, and it was giving him fits. “My Depends were riding up my butt crack,” he told Joe Scarborough. “It didn’t have anything to do with how I felt being attacked as the front-runner.”

Bernie then decided to go the TMI route. “One of my assistants bought a size smaller than I usually wear. She said they were out of stock or something. My boys were secure, but I felt like I was wearing a thong the entire debate. It was hard to concentrate on the issues, so I just kept asking myself, ‘What would Castro do in this situation?'”

He continued. “Joe, you may not be there yet, but when your diaper rides up on you, you’re not yourself. I can promise you this though. If I’m elected president, I’ll sign an executive order giving the government complete control of the adult diaper industry. That’s on day one.”

Sanders wouldn’t answer the “boxer or brief” question from Joe’s wife, Mika, but then again, nobody cares anyway.

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