ARKANSAS – As he made the rounds at a local gun show, Democratic presidential candidate Beto O’Rourke began the third launch of himself to potential voters. He asked all of his supporters to please update their versions of him to the newest 3.0 version.
“I’m hopeful that this version will be the one people want. The previous versions of me were glitchy, slow, and annoying. We’ve finished the Beto-testing on this latest version of me and I think people will find it more up to speed,” Beto explained while waving his arms wildly.
His campaign software developer told us there’s nothing they could do to stop Beto’s flailing arms when he’s speaking to a crowd. “We tried, man, but nothing worked. However, the latest version does include tips on changing a tire, just like a commoner. So, that was cool. We really amped up his relatability factor in 3.0.”
Unfortunately for the candidate, many Democrats are unlikely to take the time to update their versions of him. “I’m so tired of always having to mess with updates,” one gun show attendee said.
Other complaints that have been raised on social media about Beto 3.0 include:
“I’m trying to update to latest version of Beto, but keep getting error messages like ‘You’re wasting your time‘ and ‘Stop trying to make Beto happen.”
“Every time I try to update, it keeps crashing my hopes of defeating Trump in 2020.”
“I keep getting message – This update does not allow configuration with your worldview. Try another candidate until this issue is resolved.”
“I hate forced restarts. It sucks that I have to stop right in the middle of a campaign to do these damn updates. Really, how many versions of himself does this guy need?!”