NEW YORK – 2020 presidential candidate Beto O’Rourke blamed his rich Mexican heritage and “Hispanic privilege” for his lackluster showing in the campaign so far. He acknowledged that flaunting his ethnicity was a mistake, and it made him appear to be elitist.
“The photo of me looking like a white guy, but munching on a chimichanga while riding a donkey into a campaign event was not a good look for me. I think my Hispanic privilege is why I’m getting beat like a piñata in the polls.”
O’Rourke is readying a relaunch of his presidential campaign, to hopefully reach any potential voters who may have missed learning how much he sucks the first time he announced his candidacy.
“This time I’m going to keep it real,” Beto explained. “No skateboards, no speaking Spanish at rallies, no more Taco Tuesdays on the campaign trail, no more siestas each afternoon. I’m really going to try to come off as just a boring, white guy.
No offense to my vatos and senoritas who support me, but I need to fool more white folks into voting for me if I’m going to have a chance in this thing.”
In a side note, when Beto was asked if he might consider becoming gay to better fend off competition from boring white candidate Pete Buttigieg, he quoted from the 80’s movie Stripes. “No, I’m not gay….but I am willing to learn.”
Good luck, muchacho.