Biden Addresses Riots After Just Hearing About Them From CNN’s Don Lemon

riots

DELAWARE – THIS…is CNN. The network broke news to Democrats last night of the riots, looting, and violence taking place across the country. The anti-police violence in Portland, Seattle, Austin, Chicago, and other cities has been happening for three months already. Now, add Kenosha, Wisconsin.

CNN’s Don Lemon broke the news to Democrat Joe Biden. “Our focus groups tell us that a majority of Americans can see with their own eyes what we choose to ignore. Apparently, nightly riots that have resulted in bloodshed, death, and the burning down of numerous family-run businesses are no longer the secret we’ve pretended they were. Joe Biden must address this. Now.”

Lemon fears a defeat for Democrats if the violence continues. So with terror in his eyes, and pee in his pants, he broke the news on Chris Cuomo’s show. “Republicans have called our bluff with their convention. We can no longer refuse to cover it.”

Biden was surprised by the news. “This has been going on for how long? I have to say, I’m just now learning of this from the media as it’s breaking on CNN. That’s a line I learned from Barack. Any time you get busted for something, act like you just read about it in the press. Brilliant man, that Obama.”

Less than 24 hours after Lemon read the breaking news on CNN, Biden released a video statement on the violence. “Come on, man. Lemon Drop says we’ve gotta stop this. So, he sent me this statement to read. ‘To those rioting in our city’s streets, your violence is not helping our cause. Having said that, keep doing what you’re doing. Just don’t get caught. Remember, the media’s got your back. Thank you, and rage on.'”

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