WASHINGTON – President Biden today announced that his administration is working feverishly on a new vehicle that will run on “blame.” Blame is something that is always in abundant supply in Joe’s White House. And despite his miserable poll numbers in every area, Americans give Biden a 96% approval rating on his ability to always blame someone else.
There are many problems in the country right now. So far, Biden has attacked each one with pious rhetoric. Surprisingly, none of his words have solved a single problem to date. So as gas prices hit new all-time highs, the president’s team says they’re close to rolling out a new car that will run solely on blame.
Outgoing spokesperson, Peppermint Patty, wouldn’t reveal details of what blame looked like, how much it would cost drivers, or exactly how blame will propel a vehicle forward. “You’re asking about results and that’s not what we’re focused on. What’s most important is that it looks like we’re attempting to address a problem. I will say we’re cautiously optimistic that the cars will be ready for the US market by the year 2100. Cross your fingers!”
Peppermint then said blame stations will begin popping up all around the country. “The president hasn’t decided if the national chain of stations will operate under the name ‘No Accountability,’ ‘Don’t Blame Me,’ or ‘It’s Not My Fault.’ The stations’ logo will be two giant fingers pointing back at each other. We’re very excited!”
Blame pumps will allow drivers to choose Fox News, Putin, Republicans, Trump, talk radio, oil companies, or COVID to fill their tanks. If a driver can’t afford to pay, they can pass the buck, throw the person behind them under a bus, or find a scapegoat.