Biden Blames Trump, Bourne Supremacy For Recent Mass Shootings


IOWA – Speaking to campaign crowds, former VP Joe Biden accused President Trump of being responsible for stoking Bourne supremacy with his rhetoric and inspiring two recent mass shootings in America. Many thought Biden meant “white supremacy” in his remarks, but this is Joe Biden we’re talking about.

A reporter at the event questioned Obama’s vice president with this exchange:

Reporter: Mr. Vice President, when you say ‘Bourne Supremacy’ do you mean to say ‘white supremacy?’
Biden: What did Jason Bourne do to everyone he didn’t like?
Reporter: He killed them?
Biden: Exactly. Just like the recent mass shootings in Houston and Michigan.
Reporter: But that doesn’t make any sense. Are you sure you wouldn’t like to clarify those remarks? I’m trying to help you out here, sir.
Biden: You want me to start making sense now? After all these years? Come on, man, what color was Jason Bourne?
Reporter: He was white.
Biden: Thank you for proving my point. Next question…

The crowd looked perplexed by Biden’s remarks, but collectively decided that facts didn’t really matter as long as they got to blame Trump.

The candidate’s staff later admitted that Biden was watching The Bourne Supremacy in his hotel room the night before, just as he fell asleep. Even they conceded that Biden’s reality is, at best, a blend of fantasy and real life. They also proclaimed that the former VP has a chance of accidentally swerving into the truth about 18% of the time – that’s higher than most Democrats.


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