GEORGIA – Joe Biden coughed out a statement about the upcoming Georgia senate runoff races on Monday. He reminded supporters that with wins in both races, Democrats would control everything.
“Let me be clear, which is more than I can say for my throat,” Biden said through a web of phlegm in his mouth, “We can control all space and matter if we play this right, folks. If you get out there and vote and cheat like only Georgians can, we’ll control it all!”
Joe hocked a loogie and continued, “We’ll control the presidency, the House, the Senate, the Supreme Court – once we pack it – and the media. Couple that with weak republican leadership, and we’ll own it all. With that much uncontrolled power, hell, we’ll control the space-time continuum!”
Biden admitted later that he has no clue what the space-time continuum is, but said he’s seen the Back To the Future movies several times. When asked about his recurring cough, Joe said, “Yeah, thank god I married a doctor of education. She’ll write me a script for this stuff.”