Biden Going After Baby Formula Fat Cats, Toddlers Who’ve Cornered Formula Black Market

baby formula

WASHINGTON – President Biden held a baby formula summit today to address the worsening shortage gripping America. Joe met with CEO’s of “Big Formula” behind closed doors, locking out the press. A statement was released afterwards that shed light on the meeting.

President Biden placed blame for the shortage of baby formula on industry ‘fat cats,’ complaining they were concerned with profits over production.

“Come on, man! You guys should be working overtime to make as much formula as fast as you can. We gotta get it out there to the babies ASPCA! Now, I know the shortage isn’t all your fault. My staff tells me there are rogue gangs of toddlers who’ve been stocking up on formula for months now. They’re trying to corner the market and drive up prices. I’m sure you’re all familiar with the Gerber Gang, lead by Colicky Carl and Lactating Larry. Those little price-gouging bastards! We’ll get ’em. In the meantime, step up production and keep your whey powder dry. We’ve gotta end this shortage as soon as possible.”

Before he ended the meeting, Biden again reiterated the need for America to wean itself off its dependence on baby formula.


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