Biden Misfires, Says There’s Nothing Scarier Than A Ghost With A Gun

ghost gun

WASHINGTON – President Biden announced yesterday his intention to crack down on “ghost guns.” Because, in his view, “There’s nothing scarier than a ghost with a gun, I’m being serious here. This is not hyperbole. You don’t want to mess around with those things.”

Biden, who claims he’s been slimed by 3 separate ghosts, explained the problem with ghost guns is that they’re invisible. “Just like ghosts, man. That’s why they’re untraceable. It’s spooky, creepy stuff,” he said, whispering for effect. “Americans are understandably worried about the rise in crime during my administration. Or what I like to call ‘the Putin Crime Hike.’ You know, we didn’t start seeing this uptick in violent crime until he invaded Ukraine. Something fishy about that.”

“So today, I’m announcing my plans to crack down on ghosts with guns. I’m fine with ghosts, we all should be. We’ve all got to get along together, but let me be clear. No ghost needs a gun. Period. The Constitution doesn’t provide for the paranormal. They may be from a second dimension, but there’s no second amendment for them.”

Spokesperson Jen Psaki told reporters why the president is so focused on ghosts and guns. “I hear talk that Democrats are soft on crime because we rarely prosecute those who commit violent crimes. The reason for that is because it’s these ghosts with their guns who are really committing these crimes. How many times have you heard witnesses to a terrible tragedy say, ‘I didn’t see anything?’ Right? Now you know why.”

Finally, Biden urged all Americans to report any sightings of ghosts with guns. “Call 1-800-G-H-O-S-T-B-U-S-T-E-R-S. We’ll take it from there.”

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