Biden: Stimmy Checks To Continue Until Herd Loyalty Toward Democrat Party Achieved

WASHINGTON – Joe Biden has hit the road, touting the latest phase of his ‘Spend America Into Oblivion’ stimulus package. Even as increased unemployment checks keep more Americans on the couch instead of working, he says now is not the time to ease up.

“We cannot stop sending out stimmy money until we reach herd loyalty to the Democrat Party,” Biden told reporters. “Once we feel we’ve bought enough future Democratic votes, only then can we start to pull back on some of our relief programs.”

Spokesgal Jen Psaki echoed the president’s sentiments. “We’ve only now begun to spend the inheritance of the cousins, thrice-removed, of your children’s children’s children. At this time, we can’t be certain that all those future generations will vote Democrat. However, the president feels certain that his administration can still buy future votes, and so his efforts continue to reach Democratic herd loyalty.”


Dr. Fauci told CNN’s Jake Tapper, “We can’t relax yet, Jake. Not until we reach 80-85% Democratic herd loyalty. Once that happens, then we can stop paying people and really start ruling them. But you’ll still have to wear your masks until I decide you can take them off.”

There’s still uncertainty that herd loyalty can be achieved. As of press time, 70% of Republicans say they’ll never vote for a Democrat under any circumstances. Their minds are made up. So, there’s still hope.


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