SWITZERLAND – Russia was put in its place yesterday by US President Joe Biden. The president met with Russia’s President Putin where he drew fuschia-colored lines in the sand on issues that Biden said were off limits.
According to reports, Biden took no malarkey from Putin. In fact, he left the top Russian with a list of things not to launch cyber-attacks against. Among the 16 items on Biden’s ‘do not hack’ list: DNC computers, son Hunter’s laptop, and top-secret files related to Kamala’s sneaker budget. Joe told reporters he remembered to say “pretty please” when telling Vladdy to play nice.
A military escalation was narrowly escaped when, at one point, Biden dozed off while waiting for Putin’s translator to relay the Russian’s remarks. Putin said something about Biden’s recent trip to the G7 meeting. Suddenly, Joe raised his head from the table and shouted, “G7? You sunk my battleship!”
Biden immediately called for the nuclear football, ready to strike back. Fortunately, aides swooped in and distracted the president with breaking news that the Girl Scouts are still stuck with 15 million boxes of cookies. Hearing the troubling news, the president’s face took on the same look that George W. Bush got when being told about the 9-11 attacks. It was a somber moment for the American president.
Biden said his meeting concluded when he leaned toward Putin and told him, “Come on man, don’t make me send Obama over there to tell you to knock it off. Look at me. You know I’ll do it. So don’t test me. We clear?”
In Russian, Putin reportedly laughed and said, “Whatever you say, Grandpa!” Putin’s translator winked and told Biden “Message received.”