PENNSYLVANIA – Democrat presidential hopeful Joe Biden feels good about his chances to win the White House this fall. The Grand Wizard of the Democratic party poked his head out of his basement, saw his shadow, and predicted six more months of gaffes and/or incomplete thoughts or sentences.
However, during his brief appearance outside, Biden touted the latest CNN poll, which shows him with a commanding 120 million percent lead over President Trump. “Have you folks seen this? CNN has crunched the numbers and tell me that I lead in every single state against the president.”
“What was it?” Joe asked an aide. “Oh, right…..I’m leading the president by 120 million percent to 43% among registered voters who have already died from coronavirus. If I remember correctly, the margin of error was +/- 120,000,000 percent. We’re right where we wanna be, heading into our stay-at-home convention.”
His aide whispered in his ear, and then Biden corrected himself. “I’m sorry, I believe the 120 million number I was referring to is the current number of deaths in America from Covid-na-na-na-na-19. Na-na-na-na-na-na-19! You all remember that Paul Hardcastle song from the 80’s? What a great song.”
Biden then slipped back into his basement, where he said he was going to watch some TV. He told reporters his Dish Network setup provides him with 120 million channels to surf.