Biden Vows To Make Word ‘Malarkey’ Popular Among Youth Again

DETROIT – In the second Democratic debate this week, 2020 hopeful Joe Biden vowed that one of his first duties as president would be to make the word ‘malarkey’ cool again with the nation’s young people. That’d be just swell.

“The word has dropped out of favor, and that’s a shame,” Biden told CNN’s Don Lemon. “I think once kids see how hip I am, they’ll want to start copying me and my coolness. In case you can’t tell, kiddo, I’m really with it.”

Biden told Lemon he envisions the word malarkey being widely used from the White House to hoods in major urban areas. “Let’s say some gangbanger is being accused of snitching on someone. He’d defend those charges by telling his homie, ‘Yo, dawg, that’s a bunch of malarkey!’ What’s the other fella gonna say? There’s no comeback for that.”

Lemon admitted that Biden schooled him on the finer points of malarkey. “First of all, the vice-president explained that malarkey only comes in bunches. There’s no such thing as a little bit of malarkey, or a smidgen of it. It’s all or nothing. That’s important for the kids to understand before throwing the term around.”

In his bid to transform language in American culture, Biden also hopes to revive the use of words like fiddlesticks, baloney, and crapola. It would be really keen if he can pull that off.

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