PHILADELPHIA – There’s a cancer in our election process, and it’s called Voter Fraud. The main carriers of this disease are Democratic operatives and activists. Symptoms include ballot stuffing in the middle of the night and prematurely referring to one’s favored candidate as “president-elect.”
It’s a nasty, disgusting condition. And now, several big pharmaceutical companies are joining efforts to develop a vaccine to treat voter fraud. Pfizer is having good results with a possible coronavirus vaccine, so researchers are turning their attention to curing voter fraud.
One big pharma researcher said, “If we all work together, we can eradicate voter fraud in this current election cycle. I know that sounds crazy, but it’s possible. We’re currently working on a vaccine that combines 3 main elements – a dose of the Constitution, two parts shame (most who commit voter fraud don’t have any), and a tiny bit of MAGA DNA.”
Charlotte Decker, a technician for Dominion Voter Fraud Machines, discounted the news. “My company tells us that voter fraud is an urban legend. It’s ridiculous. Hang on, I need to recalibrate this machine to convert every 4th vote for Trump to 1.25 votes for Biden. And I need to get it done before those poll workers get back from their smoke break.”
“I’ve personally never seen any evidence of voter fraud,” Charlotte admitted.