Blinken Says About 100 ‘As-Of-Now-Unbeheaded’ Americans Still In Afghanistan


WASHINGTON – Antony Blinken, one of the architects of President Joke Biden’s Afghanistan debacle, testified to Congress today. The Secretary of State (SoS) hid behind a Zoom screen for the hearing, instead of appearing in person (because Covid).

Under questioning from House members, Blinken spun, dodged, ignored, and deflected any criticism he faced during the appearance. When asked how many Americans are still being held hostage in Afghanistan, Blinken seemed unsure.

“We believe there are roughly 100 ‘as-of-now-unbeheaded’ Americans still in the country. But what do I know? We’ve been making up these numbers during this whole operation. The media seems to be ok with 100, so that’s the number I’m sticking with,” the SoS answered.

“It could be 500, could be thousands, who the hell knows?” he continued. “The last report I got from the Taliban, they assured me they could produce 100 Americans with their heads still attached. That’s good enough for me.”

After being asked if he felt responsible for having blood on his hands, Blinken seemed unfazed. “I try not to think about it. Blood makes me squeamish. I’m much more comfortable being a smarmy paper pusher who’s unattached from the reality over there. I just hope they’re all wearing their masks.”

The Secretary finished by saying, “Beheadings, hostages, whose fault it was…it’s all so dark and disturbing. Can’t we talk about something lighter?” No, we can’t.


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One Thought to “Blinken Says About 100 ‘As-Of-Now-Unbeheaded’ Americans Still In Afghanistan

  1. It’s too bad Blinken still has HIS head attached!

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