Bloomberg Wins Then Quits: Ignores ‘As American Samoa Goes, So Goes Rest Of America’ Tradition

American Samoa

NEW YORK – Fresh off his stunning victory in the Democratic caucus in American Samoa, Michael Bloomberg shocked supporters by dropping out of the 2020 race. In doing so, he ignored the long held election creed of ‘As American Samoa goes, so goes the rest of America.’

Cable news pundits were stunned. A. B. Stoddard, of RealClearPolitics, said, “Everyone in punditry understands that our culture and politics flows downstream from American Samoa. Bloomberg’s people had to have known that. Why he would quit after winning delegate-rich Samoa is beyond me.”

Fox News’ Richard Fowler reminded viewers that no Democrat has won the White House without winning American Samoa since 1904. “I think he’s giving up way to early. Most pundits will tell you that winning American Samoa can really energize a campaign. He may be getting bad advice from his people. I don’t get it.”

American Samoa is only 6,000 miles off the west coast of America, so it’s very in touch with the pulse of American politics. The territory awarded Bloomberg handsomely with 5 much needed delegates.

“Why he would throw those 5 delegates away makes no sense to me,” MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow noted. “But then again, I’m not right on most things. I do think that Biden or Bernie, whoever our nominee may be, needs to spend a lot of time and money in American Samoa – even though they can’t vote in the general election.”

For his part, Bloomberg said he’s thinking about simply buying the American territory and adding the small islands to his collection of winter homes.

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