Californians Turn To Sippy Cups In Wake Of Plastic Straws Ban

SACRAMENTO – To save the oceans, California’s government is cracking down on the distribution of plastic straws. The measure has now forced millions of the state’s residents to turn to sippy cups as the next best way to suck beverages from a container.

Sippy cup manufacturers are already seeing a 500% increase in demand following the recent plastic straw crackdown. Of course, some are already figuring out ways to get around the ban. The plastic straw black market is booming, with transactions taking place in deserted alleys and darkened movie theaters.


Some have chosen to apply for concealed carry permits for their straws, but the process is expensive and requires hours of training on the proper disposal methods. This way, the epidemic of sea turtles using straws as snorkels, because they’re too lazy to surface, can finally be abolished.

Some restaurants are even trying to get around the ban by instructing waitstaff to refer to the offending beverage accessories as drinking tubes, sucking stalks, or fluid transport devices. Changing the language is a popular tactic used by the Left, so they surely won’t be upset when business owners insist in court that they didn’t hand out “plastic straws” to customers.



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