Carbon Dating Confirms 2020 Democrat Front-runners Are Ancient


WASHINGTON – We knew they were old. Now, science has confirmed it. Following carbon dating on Democrat presidential hopefuls Joe Biden and Bernie Sanders, the 2020 front-runners are indeed from a bygone era.

Measuring carbon isotopes from the political fossils, scientists determined Biden and Sanders date back to between the late Cenozoic period and the #MeToo era.

This geo-political period was known as a time when most creatures were not yet “woke.” The results of the tests reinforces the notion that the two men are ancient in the minds of Democrats.

Younger presidential hopeful Kamala Harris said, “I don’t think arthritis should be front and center in the Democratic image that we’re trying to sell. Those two would be great as political relics in a museum someplace, but not in a modern campaign.”

DNA testing even showed that Bernie Sanders descended from the Neander-socialists, a primitive tribe known for wanting everything for free and having really bad hair.


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