Cecile Richards Plans to Abort Planned Parenthood From Herself

WASHINGTON – Deciding her position as president of Planned Parenthood has become an inconvenience to her, baby butcher Cecile Richards has decided to abort the organization in a ceremony in front of her fellow PP employees.

Richards will have a scaled-down replica of a Planned Parenthood clinic shoved up her vagina, after which a PP abortion doctor will use forceps to crush the model of the clinic and extract the structure piece by piece through Richard’s nether region.

The procedure will be televised to all PP clinics around the country via satellite, since employees there find nothing more satisfying than seeing something ripped from a woman’s womb. “I want all of our people to share in the joy I feel about abortion,” Cecile said.

Satan said he was immensely proud of Richards’ efforts during her 12-year stint running the organization. “She’s amazing! She’s seen to it that many more millions of babies have been slaughtered during her tenure than I could have ever done on my own. Personally, I find this planned ‘replica clinic’ abortion thing a little tacky, but, whatevs. Let them have their fun.”

Richards says she’s not sure what her next move will be after leaving PP, but hopes it will involve the trafficking of body parts in some way. “I would make a great high priestess of a satanic cult. I have a real soft spot for blood and body parts.”

Finally, Cecile said her biggest wish, before she dies and goes to Hell someday, is to see a Planned Parenthood clinic on every corner, “just like Starbucks!”


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