Celebs Urge All Americans To ‘Shelter-In-Mansion’ Like They Do

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HOLLYWOOD – Celebrities are now attempting to help public officials convince more Americans to heed their warnings to stay in their homes during the current pandemic. Numerous unwashed, and without makeup, artists are torturing Americans with homemade videos of empathy.

Cher and Bette Midler urged all Americans to follow the ‘shelter-in-mansion’ orders they were given in California recently. “We can beat this,” Midler said, “If every person will just retreat to their mansion and stay there until this danger passes.”

“Have your personal assistants go out for food and liquor,” Cher added. “They’re more expendable. And they can leave stuff at the door and then stay in the guest house until scientists find a cure for this thing.” Other celebrities echoed their sentiments.

Actress Gwyneth Paltrow explained why it’s an easy way to live during this dire crisis. “I know it’s hard. I get it. But between your personal chefs, tennis courts, pool and sauna, indoor bowling alley, gym, stripper pole, theater, arcade, lazy river, wine cellar and library, each of you can keep busy and make it through this too.”

“Please, your mansion is the safest place to be during this difficult time,” said pandemic expert Sean Penn. “Trust me, every American will feel safer within the confines of their own gated community. God speed.”

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