Chief Justice Roberts Left Hanging After Failed High-Five Attempt

WASHINGTON – President Trump’s impeachment trial in the Senate got off to a rocky start this week. On Thursday, Chief Justice John Roberts was left hanging by Senator Chuck Grassley during a failed high-five attempt.

Justice Roberts thought the gesture would lighten the mood in the Senate chamber, but the mood soon changed to horror when Senator Grassley failed to reciprocate on the high-five.

“I wasn’t sure whether to go in for a bro hug or a simple handshake,” Roberts later said. “The high-five move was a last second decision. I thought it would be funny, but the senator looked at me like, ‘What are you doing?'”

Justice Roberts
Roberts says the incident has scarred him. “I may never high-five anyone again.”

“I felt like a jackass,” Roberts admitted. “I kept thinking, ‘Ok, he’s going to slap me back any second……ok, any second….ok, now.’ And then it was, ‘Oh my God, he’s leaving me hanging here! Come on, Chuck! Help a Justice out, man!”

Confused senators were left wondering what the hell Justice Roberts was doing.

Texas Senator Ted Cruz said, “I kept thinking ‘John, what are you doing? Put your hand down!’ It seemed like it took forever for the moment to end.”

Later, Grassley said he was reading his pocket version of The Constitution, looking for the part that says Nancy Pelosi gets to call the shots in a Senate trial. “I apologize to the Chief Justice for being preoccupied. How embarrassing for him.”

By the way, Grassley said the part about Pelosi running things is nowhere to be found in our founding documents.

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