Chris Christie’s Magic Baseball Cap Sunscreen No Longer Secret

Chris Christie

JERSEY SHORE – New Jersey Governor Chris Christie has had one of his beauty secrets exposed. On a 4th of July weekend, while the state’s beaches were closed to the public due to a state government slowdown, Christie was photographed on the beach, wearing a magic baseball cap that apparently deflects all harmful rays from the sun.

And it works for the entire body which, in Christie’s case, is no small feat! The governor finally explained how his “sunscreen cap” works after he was caught in a lie, saying he had gotten no sun that day.

The governor first tried to tell reporters that he and his family had just washed ashore overnight, but nobody was buying that, so he was forced to come clean.

“My sunscreen baseball cap is like a UV force field that provides an invisible bubble of protection from the sun’s intense rays. That’s how I maintain my supple and smooth complexion. If you don’t understand that, then screw you!”

The governor’s cap reportedly has an SPF of 1000, and its protective power extends two feet out from the wearer’s body in every direction. His spokesman would not reveal how the governor came to possess the magic sunscreen cap.

A spokesman for Christie said that while the governor may die of any number of other causes, skin cancer won’t be one of them. Sunscreen manufacturers are lobbying hard to keep Christie from one day bringing the baseball cap to market, since it would destroy their industry.


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