TAMPA – According to CNN reporter April Ryan, fellow network reporter Jim Acosta’s life was in danger at a recent rally held here for President Trump and a local politician. After enduring chants from the crowd of “CNN sucks!” Ryan says Acosta is lucky to be alive.
Speaking to racist anchor Don Lemon, Ryan said, “It was like a war zone in there. Not only was Jim crawling on his elbows through the crowds to avoid sniper fire from Secret Service, but IED’s had been placed near many of the exits. He was trapped. He told me later he knows how John McCain must have felt.
And not only was Jim having to dodge all of that incoming, just trying to cover that rally for our handful of viewers mind you, but Trump supporters were also hurling insults at him the whole time. I can’t speak to any physical injuries he might have sustained during this political ambush, but I do know they hurt Jim’s feelings.”
Lemon then reminded viewers that Acosta is showing signs of PTSD (Post Trump Stress Disorder) and that his ego had been bruised. “I’d like to remind our few viewers out there,” Lemon sternly stated, “that CNN reporters are above reproach. Same as our anchors. There should never be any reason anyone who is not a journalist should ever object to what we report here!”
The Tampa rally was a huge success, with attendees feeling inspired and elated about the direction the country is going in. Although, it’s a wonder they could hear anything the president said – what with all the gunfire and explosions going on in the venue at the time.
***CNN will be awarding Acosta the Purple Fart for his valor in the service of creating fake news.