ATLANTA – Numerous CNN personalities have admitted off-camera that they understand there is really no evidence of cooperation between Russia and the Trump campaign during the 2016 election cycle. They just really like saying the words “collusion” and “dossier” (doss-i-eh).
Alisyn Camerota explained, “I especially like the word ‘dossier.’ It makes me feel European and sophisticated. I even feel like I should be sticking my pinky finger out when I pronounce it! To be honest, I don’t even know what it means, but I read what they put on the screen for me.”
Brian Stelter said, “To look at me, you’d think I’m a complete moron. So these words, especially ‘dossier,’ make me feel like a big boy. If I don’t understand what the other panelists are talking about, I can always throw out one of those fancy words and feel like I’m covered.”
Chris Cuomo admitted, “I know we could use more mundane words like ‘file,’ ‘report,’ or ‘case history,’ but ‘dossier’ makes it sound so much more mysterious and sinister. It’s enough to fool our low-information viewers.”
CNN president Jeff Zucker is all on board with the fancy language too. “We could be using words like ‘collaboration,’ or ‘scheming,’ but ‘collusion’ is such a cooler term. And ‘dossier,’ I mean, come on. Is there a more kick ass word to use when you’re trying to manufacture the appearance of something secretive? I rest my case.”