NEW YORK – Members of CNN’s news team were outraged today when the long-awaited Mueller Report was released, but with some redactions being colored black. Anchor Don Lemon and contributor Van Jones were the most triggered by the incident.
“This is preposterous!” Van Jones firmly stated. “Attorney General Barr could have made redactions in any color. They DO have color printers at the Department of Justice, I’m sure. This was intentional. What we’re seeing in this report are ‘re-Black-tions,’ and it’s a slap in the face to all people of color.”
Don Lemon was equally incensed. “What the Attorney General is saying with these redactions, and yes, this is a dog whistle to people of color, is that just like black people, some things should be ignored, skipped over, or somehow labeled differently. Am I being ridiculous here?!”
Fellow anchor Jake Tapper said Lemon and Jones were not being ridiculous. “Those two air bullsh*t opinions like this about everything on any given day on CNN. This one’s par for their course. Don even told me he thinks that the blacked out portions of the report were clearly being discriminated against.”
Network president Jeff Zucker seemed to back up his news team. “I think the guys have zeroed in on something here, and I applaud them for their progressive thinking. This kind of insight is why people don’t watch us anymore.”