CNN Unveils New Slogan With “Fruits First” Ad

ATLANTA – Tired of being embarrassed by President Trump over their inability to report unbiased truth, CNN has decided to embarrass themselves. The network has released an ad campaign featuring what they feel pretty strongly is an apple, called “Fruits First.”

The ad caught many in the media off guard, unsure why CNN is so adamant about fruit. The ad begins with the picture of an apple, with the words “This is an apple” under it. The ad goes on to insist the object pictured is not a banana – no matter what your brain might try to tell you.

CNN morning anchor Chris Cuomo explained, “That is definitely an apple. We don’t yet know what type of apple it is, but we’ve had numerous sources confirm for us that it is indeed an apple. And that’s the whole point of the ad. We’re not going to show you an apple and then blow smoke up your skirt and tell you it’s a banana. Or a pomegranate, pear, or papaya. You can trust what we tell you.”

In discussing the new ad, rivals Mika and Joe Scarborough at MSNBC got into a screaming match on air, with Mika saying the apple looked like a honeycrisp and Joe insisting that it was of the Fuji variety. They couldn’t even hide their fruit bias.

So, thanks CNN. As Joe Friday used to say on Dragnet, “Just the fruits, ma’am.”


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2 Thoughts to “CNN Unveils New Slogan With “Fruits First” Ad

  1. I saw this ad campaign once. It was used by a used car dealer…telling people they could trust him. I recall he was later shut down by the Attorney General for fraudulent advertising. Will the same be true for CNN?

    1. E. Williams

      Rich, are you saying CNN’s new ad is a lemon???

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