SALT LAKE CITY – During last-minute preparations for the VP debate here tonight, Vice President Mike Pence had a few questions. Mostly about health and safety. Mostly about the plexiglass partition that will separate he and his opponent, Kamala Harris.
“Forget Covid,” the Vice President said. “From what I’ve heard over the years, I’m more worried about catching a STD from Senator Harris. I know her a little bit, but God knows where she’s been. I could tell you some stories that even make me blush.”
The VP wondered aloud in his hotel room if the plexiglass partition between them would be enough to stop some of the by-products of Harris’ “sleep your way to the top” political career.
“Not to sound too judgmental, I’m sure she’s a very nice person, but Kamala is what we in Washington call a ‘super spreader,’ if you know what I mean. Keeping the knees together seems to be a concept she’s not that familiar with.” Pence said he has lived a life far away from the horrors of crabs, herpes, gonorrhea, syphilis, and other STD’s.
Democrats believe the coronavirus is too stupid to find its way around or over a plexiglass partition. Pence is praying that any STD’s that may be lurking in the vicinity of the senator are just as inept.