Deep State Author ‘Anonymous’ Discovers His Real Name – And It’s Lame

Anonymous

WASHINGTON – He considers himself a Beltway Boy Wonder. He calls himself ‘Anonymous.’ He’s written scathing reviews of President Trump which were published in the New York Times in 2018. Then he wrote the anti-Trump book, A Warning. He thinks he’s a patriot.

Anonymous was living a lie. When he became known for the Times article, he claimed to be a “senior” White House official. Now, we know that’s only because he was a high school senior at the time.

Still, it’s hard being Anonymous. In an interview with CNN’s Anderson Cooper in August, the deep state author said the name caused him to be bullied a lot while growing up.

A truly insightful quote from his book…

“Kids would call me ‘Anonymouse’ because I was a little soy boy. It also didn’t help that my older sister was named Synonymous. My dad’s middle name is Autonomous. If I gave someone useful info, people would thank me for the anonymous tip. Girls I dated would always get mad because they couldn’t tell their girlfriends my real name. All they could say was ‘He’s Anonymous.’ It causes a lot of confusion.”

There’s a happy ending though. Sort of. Mr. Anonymous just found out his birth name is Miles Taylor. It was bittersweet news for the 007-wannabe. “How boring is that? Miles Taylor?! There must be, like, a million Miles Taylor’s out there. It’s so lame. Now, I’m just a young, deep state douchebag with grandiose delusions that I know better than the president.”

Miles, you’re still a young, deep state douchebag. You just can’t hide behind a cool name anymore.

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