LAS VEGAS – Bill Clinton will be announcing at a rally here that the Democratic Party is launching a donation drive, beginning immediately, to help keep Hillary hydrated. Celebrities will lend their star power to commercials asking her supporters to give what they can to keep their presidential candidate from becoming dehydrated again.
The effort is in response to her campaign blaming dehydration for Mrs. Clinton’s collapse after leaving a 9-11 ceremony in New York recently. The incident occurred despite Hillary wearing her special, blue-tinted anti-dehydration glasses.
Hollywood elites including Cher, Lena Dunham, Kim Kardashian, George Clooney, and Katy Perry will all record spots for Hillary, but the first infomercial features Sally Struthers. Struthers was selected because of her relief effort experience during the last century.
“Won’t you please help an ultra-rich politician get the precious fluids she needs to stay hydrated?” a tearful Struthers pleads. “Scientists tell us that seasonal allergies, overheating, pneumonia, seizures, and even Parkinson’s can be prevented simply by staying hydrated. So please, give whatever you can to help make sure water, Gatorade, and water-rich foods are readily available at all times for Hillary, to make sure she overcomes her liquidity shortage. Because a President Trump will steal everyone’s water. Thank you.”
“For less than a dollar a day, you too can help Hillary obtain access to life-sustaining water. Become a Hydracrat today.”