WASHINGTON – Democrats just can’t win. Their insistence on Robert Mueller testifying backfired on them badly. But they’re not going home empty-handed. Yes, each Democrat in Congress will receive the Limited Edition Mueller Investigation Board Game as a consolation prize.
Republican Jim Jordan of Ohio said, “It’s been a blast. I want to thank them for playing, but it’s time to move on. I hope Democrats will have fun playing the Mueller board game at home with their friends and families. The thing I like most about it, is that it gives parents the opportunity to teach their kids about Trump Derangement Syndrome.”
Just like the real investigation, the Mueller board game is a complete waste of time. The board is full of paths that go nowhere, with traps like Impeach Island and False Narrative Forest that basically means “Game Over” for any player who ends up there.
The goal of the game is to “get Trump,” but no one has ever beaten the game. Game pieces are miniatures of various crying media personalities. As players move their pieces around the board, they can draw Witch Hunt cards that might send them to Collusion Circle, where they get stuck in an endless loop of wild conspiracy theories.
Democrats can play the game for a long time, but they’ll know it’s over when it blows up in their faces. The consolation prize is for all Democrats, ages 3 to however old Nancy Pelosi gets.