WASHINGTON – The Department of Homeland Security issued a statement this morning regarding the serial mail bomber currently terrorizing Democrats. The statement reads “that the domestic terrorist has been dubbed the ‘Dumbass Bomber.'”
The label is applicable because of those who have been targeted so far. Part of the statement reads as follows:
For the time being, the Dept. of Homeland Security will officially be referring to the serial bomber as the ‘Dumbass Bomber.’ Based on forensic analyses of the recipients of the devices found to this point, it appears that all targets have been determined to be dumbasses.
Soros, Obama, Clintons, Biden, Cuomo, Brennan, CNN, Waters, Holder, De Niro – all well-known dumbasses. It’s the common denominator between all of the targets. For the record, we at DHS feel that the bomber is most likely a dumbass himself, and we will continue our relentless pursuit of him.
Some of those targeted have increased their level of vigilance until the bomber is caught. Former VP Joe Biden now sits on his front porch with TWO shotguns, waiting for the next person who attempts to deliver a package to his address.
Eric Holder plans to kick any device he comes across, because, “It’s the only way to test to see if it’s a dud.” Actor Robert De Niro said, “Maybe if I stopped making so many terrible movies this guy would take me off his list.”
John Brennan admitted, “Who am I kidding? I’m a huge dumbass. I’ll just go about my business and hope for the best.”