WASHINGTON – Saying they realize they haven’t quite checked off every identity political box that the Left has created with their candidates so far, the Democratic National Committee (DNC) has announced that they will cap the number of possible presidential candidates at 50.
“Sadly, we can’t let everybody and their mother compete for a chance to beat President Trump,” DNC head Tom Perez acknowledged. “In fact, Kirsten Gillebrand asked us if she could enter her mom in the race to unseat Trump when she filed her paperwork. We had to tell her ‘No.'”
With the number of candidates nearing the mid-20’s at this time, Democrats are entering the 2020 race faster than the average Democrat can politicize a shooting tragedy. And while Perez admits that some candidacies are outright jokes, like Bill de Blasio, Cory Booker, Julian Castro, Eric Swalwell and Beto, he knows his party still has identity boxes to check off.
“We have candidates who are gay, female, elderly, American Indian, Black, Hispanic, morons, and waaaaay too many whites,” Perez said. “Those boxes are already checked. But we still have room for candidates who are either sane, physically disabled, fiscally responsible, not socialist, seriously wanting to fix the border situation, or don’t believe the world will end in 12 years.
There’s still time for people like that to step forward for Democrats, assuming there are any on our side who check those boxes. Still, we have to have a cutoff point and we’ve determined that 50 is the number we’re comfortable with.”