MASSACHUESETTS – Senator Elizabeth Warren is on the warpath again. After not hearing what she wanted to hear in testimony from Postmaster General Louis DeJoy this week, she’s demanding his scalp.
“It gives me no DeJoy to say this to you, my brothers and sisters,” Warren shouted in her patented shrill voice, “But if the Postmaster General won’t bow to our demands on mail-in voting, I say we scalp the son of a bitch!”
Liz, whose native princess name is ‘Shrieking Squaw,’ insists her entire tribe of Democrats are on board with her threat to the Postmaster General. “I realize Mr. DeJoy doesn’t have much of a scalp to begin with. Not much hair there, but we must send a strong message!”
Chief Pelosi nodded with approval as Warren laid out her plans for a possible ambush. “I solemnly promise that I will wear my headdress until we get redress for every address served by the USPS.”
Warren insists that without assurances from the pale face (Postmaster General) that mail-in ballots be made available to every person in the country, even illegal aliens, her people would never make it to the hallowed Happy Counting Grounds.
“You cannot commit voter fraud if you don’t control the ballots. A wise chief taught me that when I was a little girl,” Elizabeth said. “And I know a thing or two about committing fraud.”