NEW HAMPSHIRE – Ancestry guru and 2020 Democratic presidential candidate, Elizabeth Warren, publicly floated the idea for reparations for the first time yesterday. At a campaign rally here, she announced that Democrats deserved reparations for the suffering they have been forced to endure during this Trump presidency.
“I know the calendar says 2019,” Warren bellowed, “But for all us Democrats, we’re stuck on November 9th, 2016. The day after the greatest injustice my people have ever had to face!” Still unable to move on, SacagaWarren made her case for reparations.
“We, as a party, have been subjected to hardships like record low-unemployment, a lack of terror attacks on our soil, slashed regulations, low gas prices and millions fewer on food stamps! Add to that the threat of securing our borders, energy independence and tax cuts……frankly, I don’t know how we’ve made it this far!”
Noting that people on her side have had to resort to staging race crimes to keep the issue in the headlines, not to mention the magic spell and fear that MAGA caps cast over all Democrats who encounter one, Warren said reparations are way overdue.
“I don’t know how we would pay for these reparations. I don’t know how we would pay for anything I’ve ever proposed, but it sounds good – so I’m going to keep saying it!” she shrieked to an audience of group-thinking, zombie supporters.
She concluded her speech, yelling, “Mr. President…..let my people go!”