Emmy Voters Forced To Attend ‘Black Acting School’ After Whites Sweep 2021 Awards

Emmy voters

ATLANTA – A day after the 2021 Emmy Awards show, enrollment swelled at the Black Acting School here. It turns out that voters awarded white actors wins in every major category. No POC claimed any of the main acting categories. It was celebrity white privilege on display for the whole nation to see – if they had watched the show. Humiliated at their lack of diversity, all white Emmy voters (20,000+) have been auto-enrolled in Robert Townsend’s Black Acting School. Townsend started the school in 1987. The purpose is to…

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CNN Rebrand: ‘Same Sh*t, Different Day With Don Lemon’ Replaces ‘CNN Tonight With Don Lemon’

NEW YORK – CNN has decided to rebrand one of its shows. It’s a change that show host Don Lemon teased on social media last Friday. Lemon announced that his show, CNN Tonight with Don Lemon, was ending abruptly that night. Dozens of his fans were thrown into a panic, thinking the host was leaving the network. As it turns out, it was all a publicity stunt to gain attention for his newly titled show that starts Monday night. Same Sh*t, Different Day with Don Lemon debuts tonight, and the…

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Singer John Legend, Who’s Not An Oncologist, Calls Trump A Cancer

HOLLYWOOD – Singer and recent winner of the Sexiest Woke Man Alive 2019, John Legend, today labelled President Trump “a cancer that needs to be removed.” It should be noted that Legend is NOT an oncologist. Dr. Bernard Fischer, a real oncologist, disputes Legend’s diagnosis of Trump. “I can tell you without a doubt that the president is NOT a cancer. In fact, he doesn’t need to be removed from office, or anything else, really.” The Dr. continued, “I can’t ruin old songs by re-writing them to adhere to today’s…

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New Rating Lets Moviegoers Know If Film Was Shot In Abortion-Friendly State

HOLLYWOOD – The Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) has decided to add a new classification to their film rating system to help discerning moviegoers know which films were shot in ‘abortion friendly’ states. Due to Heartbeat Bills being passed in various states that wish to restrict abortions, many actors, studios, and Hollywood activists are refusing to work in those states. The new designation will be AF – Abortion Friendly, and it joins ratings G, PG-13, R, NC-17, etc. in letting audiences know which films are “woke” and which ones…

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Real Housewives Of Game Of Thrones Trounces GOT8 Ratings

WESTEROS – The Game of Thrones final season premier was a ratings juggernaut for HBO. That was before the after show – The Real Housewives of Game of Thrones. Tens of millions tuned in to watch the drama, backstabbing, and alliances of their favorite women from the show. In tonight’s episode, Cersei Lannister couldn’t deal with the fact that Queen Daenerys found her white overcoat ‘off the rack’ at a Valyrian discount market. “She can afford whatever she wants. I couldn’t bear to show my face in one of those…

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Jussie Smollett To Receive Razzie For Worst Hate Crime Performance

CHICAGO – In a late addition to this week’s 2019 Golden Raspberry Awards, or “Razzies” as they’re also called, honoring the worst in acting, Jussie Smollett will be scoring his first win for his latest acting effort. The hapless actor will receive this year’s Worst Hate Crime Performance by an Individual or Ensemble¬†Razzie. Fresh off being taken into custody by Chicago Police, the announcement brightened Jussie’s mood and bolstered his belief that “any publicity is better than no publicity.” His cell mates agreed. Explaining the organization’s rationale for honoring Smollett,…

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Mackenzie Bezos on Megyn Kelly’s $69 Million Score: That’s Cute

AMAZONIA – When news hit this week that NBC had settled with Megyn Kelly, and agreed to pay her $69 million to be rid of her, the dollar amount was staggering. However, not everybody was impressed. Mackenzie Bezos, the soon-to-be-ex-wife of Amazon founder Jeff Bezos, found the news amusing. “$69 million? With an M?” Bezos asked. “That’s cute. I wish her well. I just don’t know how anybody survives on that amount, to be honest.” Mackenzie prefers to have a B with her illions. She could end up with around…

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Ernie Claims Bert Groped Him At Party 36 Years Ago

SESAME STREET – In a classic case of he said/he said, Ernie, after 36 years, is claiming that longtime roommate Bert once groped and sexually assaulted him at a party. The pair were drunk after throwing back several bottles of MD 20/20 the night the alleged incident took place. However, the timing of the revelation is suspect. The country was on the verge of confirming rumors that the two friends were gay lovers when Ernie made his accusation public. Why did he remain quiet for three-and-a-half decades? “Look, I love…

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Weather Channel’s Mike Seidel Caught In Hellish Personal Hurricane

NORTH CAROLINA – Veteran Weather Channel personality Mike Seidel thought he’d seen it all from the storms he’s covered before. Hurricane Florence changed all of that. Seidel spent much of the recent rain event trapped in his own hellish, personal hurricane. Video footage showed Seidel fighting to brave intense storm conditions within a “hurricane bubble.” The Weather Channel describes a hurricane bubble as “a pocket of hurricane force conditions that exist in a 10 to 20-foot radius, while areas outside the bubble experience much milder conditions.” “Hurricane bubbles are pretty…

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Michelle Wolf’s Netflix Show Aborted in First Trimester

netflix

NETFLIX – The so-called ‘comedian’ and professional Trump basher, Michelle Wolf, had her new show aborted after just three months on the streaming service. Wolf, a huge supporter of abortion, can’t be too unhappy with the termination of the unwanted show in its first trimester. “I should be really bummed,” Wolf said, “But it’s their network, their choice. I was hoping they would give the show a full nine-month run, and then maybe if they didn’t want it at that time, like, some other network could adopt it? You know,…

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