WASHINGTON – Former head of the Obama-era CIA, John Brennan, was airlifted to a local hospital yesterday after he accidentally smiled. Thanks to the quick action of his security detail, he’s expected to make a full, but angry, recovery.
Speaking on anonymity, one of Brennan’s bodyguards said, “We don’t know what could have happened to cause his sudden change in expression. At first, we assumed something bad must have happened to President Trump and he was having a reaction to that news. But we later confirmed that the president is just fine.”
Another member of the Brennan security team explained, “Dude’s always pissed. If you knew him like we do, you’d understand that the man is basically incapable of happiness. He wakes up in the morning angry. And to crack a smile like that, it’s dangerous. He could tear a facial muscle from not using those muscles in decades.”
On the way to the hospital after the smiling incident, Brennan was encouraged by his staff to send out several defiant, sternly-worded, attack tweets directed toward the president. The strategy seemed to help him default back to his angry state.
Doctors were encouraged by his progress, but held him overnight for observation. They expect Brennan to be back to lying about his cover-up of the Trump SpyGate scandal in a matter of days.