WASHINGTON – The announcement was big, and it got all the attention he’d hoped it would get, but FBI Director James Comey’s surprise birthday present for Hillary Clinton just couldn’t get there on time. The gift unfortunately arrived two days late.
“I feel bad about that,” Comey told Congress in a letter. “I had wanted to give Hillary the big news that we were reopening the investigation into her emails on the 26th, which is her big day, but you know how slow the government works. Our agents just couldn’t get the language exactly the way we wanted it in time for her birthday.”
“Hopefully, she understands that it’s the thought that counts. But what do you get someone who already has everything? All of us wanted to give her something she would never guess she would get in a million years. I think we succeeded in doing that,” Comey said.
The FBI Director said he hopes Hillary appreciates the fact that the email investigation gift is something that her assistant, Huma (Weiner) Abedin, can also use. “We couldn’t have given Hillary this surprise if it hadn’t been for Huma and her sleazy husband, so we wanted to thank her as well.”
A majority of Americans think it’s the perfect birthday present for Hillary, even if it is belated, and that the karma it represents couldn’t have gone to a more deserving person. “Hillary, happy belated birthday, Bitch!”