PENNSYLVANIA – The NCAA has a new female swimming champion in the 500 Freestyle and his name is Lia Thomas. Thomas has been able to win race after race against female opponents, despite being handicapped by having a weiner.
The female swimmer’s body, with its curves in all the right places, is very aerodynamic in water. Lia, however, is a dude that swims like a lady. So he’s more angular and his man-bits create extra drag as he moves through the water. Still, he keeps winning.
His teammates are not thrilled with his accolades. “I’ve never had one of those things (weiner), but I’m wondering if Lia uses it as a rudder during races. It would give him a leg up when it comes to staying in the middle of his lane. That could save precious tenths-of-a-second in a close race,” one female swimmer said.
“It sucks,” said another teammate. “Lia should swim in his own gene pool. He may want to live as a woman, but he can’t change his chromosomes. Sorry, dude. I can’t say this publicly, of course, because I love my family and my life.”
Parents of female swimming teammates of Lia’s aren’t fans either. “I’m so sick of this dick!” one mother remarked. “I’ve got your transition right here, Lia!”