WASHINGTON – On Sunday, just two days after being fired from his post as Deputy Cover-Up Chief for the FBI, Andrew McCabe was seen leaving the Church of the Deep State, with his wife at his side, and hurrying into an awaiting vehicle.
McCabe had been praying to the Deep State Gods of DC in hopes that they could save his career and his pension. Arizona senator Jeff Flake was in the congregation and overheard some of McCabe’s prayers.
“It was hard to hear everything over James Comey’s constant sobbing, but Andy was clearly in distress,” Flake said, “as are all of us who think we know better than all the rest of you. I heard him begging the Deep State Gods to punish the president – and Attorney General Sessions – for daring to hold him responsible for his corrupt actions in the FBI. I mean, when did they start doing that?!”
Flake saw Andrew kneel at the foot of the Shrine of Obama and call on Deep State overlords like Hillary, Brennan, Eric Holder, Loretta Lynch, Susan Rice, Mueller, Rosenstein, and George Soros to use whatever powers they had to get even with Trump and Sessions. “I heard him ask the gods to unleash a plague of leaks on all of their houses. He mad,” Flake noted.
Following the “laying on of hands and groping” part of the service, McCabe was seen taking money from the tithing tray to offset some of his lost pension funds. (Tithing took forever because the ushers slow-walked everything). Later, the congregation heard a sermon from The Gospel According to Barack, verses 1-12 from a chapter in The Book of Comey.
Finally, McCabe was overheard telling other churchgoers that what he fears most in this world is the Second Coming of the Special Council, and its unavoidable Day of Reckoning. Flake also said he had seen Peter Strzok and his side-piece Lisa Page huddled in a corner of the sanctuary, speaking in texts.
Before he left the service, Minister Farrakhan baptized McCabe for being a good disciple on behalf of the Deep State.