DALLAS – Capitalizing on his once rising star, radio talker Glenn Beck built a media empire called The Blaze. Fast forward a few years, and Beck’s reputation has suffered, his empire is crumbling around him, and he’s decided to rename his media company The Flicker.
Beck has been laying off employees this year and, even for many conservatives, his fear-mongering has proven to be too much to take. The biggest blow to Beck’s psyche seems to have come today, when his chosen presidential candidate Ted Cruz finally came out and endorsed Donald Trump.
“I felt like I had been stabbed in the heart with a spork,” Glenn said. “I trusted Ted. And I thought, you know, maybe it’s time I go up into the mountains for a good, long while. The company is in good hands with Dana Loesch, Tomi Lahren, and others. I only hope they all have good backup plans for when the zombie apocalypse begins.”
Beck then broke down in tears and slammed his face into a bowl of crushed Cheetos on the table. Get better, Glenn.