Saying she can’t help herself when it comes to asking for money, Hillary Clinton went on the hit reality show Shark Tank to try and persuade one or more of the “sharks” on the show to invest in her presidential campaign.
Shark Tank is a show where entrepreneurs pitch their ideas and products to extremely rich and successful investors – the Sharks – in the hopes that one of them will inject cash into the guest’s vision by partnering up with them.
Mrs. Clinton appeared in a shiny, purple pantsuit and said, “Hello Sharks, I’m the smartest woman in the world. I do everything my way and I never look back. The American masses need a Queen, and I believe I am that Queen. Donald Trump is dangerous and, even if he weren’t, it’s my turn. So, who wants to give me money, in return for favors, of course?”
Shark Lori Greiner was the first to answer the pitch. “Hillary, we all know about your infamous battles with the truth over the years. I would love to have our first female American president elected, but I would vote for Casey Anthony, a child killer, before I would vote for you. And for that reason, I’m out.”
Hillary shot daggers at Lori with her eyes and shouted, “Next!” Shark Robert Herjavec then asked, “You’ve swindled money from leaders of various countries around the world. Why did you come to us?”
Hillary said, “Look. They told me I could come on here and ask for free money. Give me my damn money!!!” Robert came back with, “You’re a royal bitch, Your Majesty, and for that reason, I’m out.”
Two other Sharks passed, and the final investor was Mark Cuban. “Hillary, I’ll be honest with you, from what I’ve seen, your campaign just isn’t worth that much right now. I think you’ve overvalued your own self-perceived worth to the American people by at least 500%. And I would be stupid to partner with somebody of your questionable integrity. For those, and many other reasons, I’m out.”
Hillary threw some props at the Sharks and stormed off the set empty-handed. She was last heard screaming, “Whose idea was it for me to go on this damn show in the first place?!!”