HOLLYWOOD – Trying to divert attention away from the ongoing FBI investigation into her email issues, Hillary Clinton made a surprise appearance on The Voice, a singing competition show. She stunned the crowd with her stage presence and the way the stage fans blew her hair back throughout her performance.
Her vocals were a different story:
Judge Adam Levine: “I’m not sure what I just witnessed. I love Hillary, but this made fingernails on a chalkboard sound like a lullaby. Was she shouting a campaign speech to music? I have no idea what that was supposed to be.”
Alicia Keys: “Why you so angry, gurl? You still got this. You know? You can still win this thing. You just do you, OK baby? Just do you.”
Blake Shelton: “Damn. I’ve castrated hogs that made sounds more enjoyable than what I just heard. She’s not going to suicide me if I give her a bad review, is she? I think one of my eardrums ruptured on one of her high notes. Is there any blood coming out of my ears?”
Miley Cyrus (hard to understand because her tongue was hanging out the entire time she was speaking): “That was freakin’ AWESOME! You may have created a new genre of music just now. The thing I love about you, Hillary, is that no matter how bad or illegal you are, you never mess up. Does that even make sense? And you were rockin’ that pantsuit tonight!”
Hillary appears to be even shriller, angrier, and crazier than usual in the final days before the election. This could be because her voice coach, Huma, has suddenly gone missing.