Hollywood Asks: Let’s Make This Easier, Who HASN’T Been Sexually Assaulted?

HOLLYWOOD – Overwhelmed by the daily revelations of more victims speaking out about their experiences at the hands of sexual predators in the cesspool that is Hollywood, the community is now collectively asking, “Let’s make this easier…..who hasn’t been sexually assaulted in Hollywood?”

Several high-level talent scouts and producers gathered together and seem to agree that releasing the names of those who have not been the victims of sexual harassment or rape would bore the public and be better for the entertainment capitol’s public image.

One music producer said, “You know, maybe if we had some order to the coming out of people who have been victimized by us it wouldn’t seem so out of control. Like, if your last name begins with A though F you come forward to tell your embarrassing story one week, G through L the next, and so on. Just a thought.”


Another pervert director said, “Yes, I’d like to know who hasn’t been violated yet, so we can get to work on them right away. No one leaves this place undamaged.”

“This is silly,” a famous talent booking agent told us. “If you haven’t been sexually debased by our many perverts, skanks, pedophiles, preeps, dirty nerdy’s, uncle sneaky hands, sex pests or knobtards, then you must not have been here very long.”


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