WASHINGTON – It was somber and prayerful. Stone-faced Democrat House impeachment managers served as pallbearers today as they carried Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s two articles of impeachment to their final resting place in the Senate chamber.
The procession consisted of six Democrats, with an additional manager following behind in case Jerry Nadler was unable to complete the journey. The Democrats pretended they were transporting the articles in an invisible casket that only they could see.
Asked if he was worried whether pretending to have an imaginary casket might look weird to the American public, House manager Adam Schiff responded, “Not at all. We’re used to seeing Russian collusion, abuses of power, quid pro quo’s, you name it….even if others can’t see them. It’s an ability we’re very proud of – no matter how stupid we look. Pretending there’s a casket here is nothing.”
The articles of impeachment against President Trump had been on life support over the holidays as they languished under a couch cushion at Speaker Pelosi’s mansion.
Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell said the death certificate for the articles was stamped DOA (Dead On Arrival) as soon as they were presented to him by the House managers.
“That was a complete waste of time,” Mitch said. “At least they got their exercise in for the day.”